week in the life | wednesday

Under normal circumstances, I would never in a million years blog about refinancing my mortgage. Honestly, what could be more boring? Also, financial matters are kind of personal. But my week has been consumed by this refi. To leave it out would be dishonest in the documentation of my life this week. Perhaps I should just rename this series Week in the Life of Refinancing Your Mortgage (without punching your bank in the nostril/kidney/testicles). While I am a bit of a cynic, I try not to spew negativity on this blog...however, this refinance was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. Unfortunately, I still have to leave out the most sordid of details, but the degree of incompetency on behalf of a major national bank blows my freakin' mind. They deserve to be punched in the nostril/kidney/testicles. Simultaneously!

8:00 I awaken to find myself wearing a single glove. What the WHAT? Turns out, I got cold in the night and found a single glove on my nightstand. (Naturally, I put it on.) This morning I get up like a normal person, shower, get dressed, and head up to Baltimore. I have the best intentions of eating a balanced breakfast, but am running late as usual, so I down a cookie and hit the road. (If you're paying attention you will realize that I have now eaten cookies for two meals in a row.)


9:45 On the road. I remember my cell phone this time.

10:00 Traffic. #$%^&*!!!
11:00 I arrive at Archival Arts in Baltimore and proof the prints I dropped off on Monday. They look good, so I order prints of the Pennsylvania and New Jersey maps to bring to Crafty Balboa April Showers in Philly on Saturday.

11:30 On the road back to Virginia. The CD player in my car is busted, so my music options are limited to whatever DC radio chooses to play: Rihanna, Maroon 5, Gotye, Fun, Katy Perry, The Beatles, Heart, Kylie Minogue, and Phil Collins. I sing along to all of them. And maybe bust out some car dancing moves.

1:00 I stop at Whole Foods in Vienna in search of Gifford's Roasted Coconut Ice Cream. I've been to at least seven grocery stores in the DC area in the last few weeks in search of this ice cream. I blame Karin for my obsession (she brought some to Brandi's dinner party. Also, if you've recently seen someone knee deep in the grocery store freezer scratching freezer burn off of pints of ice cream like a desperate animal, it wasn't me...) Success! I grab two pints and a few other treats and get out of there before I buy the whole store. (Did you know that Whole Foods has a COOKIE BAR?!)

1:20 Drive home. This happens:

1:30 Back home. I get a couple of e-mails with exciting opportunities for my shop. Do some quick accounting and then time for a breather. Looking forward to a nice lunch outside (it's gorgeous out) and Larry coming home early so we can finally have grilled pizza and cocktails on the patio like we'd planned for yesterday.

2:00 This is when shit starts to hit the fan with our mortgage. Phone calls are happening. E-mails are happening. F-bombs are exploding. At 2:00 pm, we are informed that our closing (which was scheduled and cancelled for both Monday and Tuesday and were then told would not go through this week) is to occur at 6:00 pm tonight at our house. This is confusing because WE HAVE NOT YET AGREED TO THE TERMS OF THE MORTGAGE.

Basically, the next five hours can be summarized like this:

And this:



Also, this:

And perhaps this:

2:00 #$%^&*!!! WTF? You can't be SERIOUS!
3:00 #$%^&*!!! WTF? You can't be SERIOUS!
4:00 #$%^&*!!! WTF? You can't be SERIOUS!
5:00 #$%^&*!!! WTF? You can't be SERIOUS!
6:00 #$%^&*!!! WTF? You can't be SERIOUS!
7:00 #$%^&*!!! WTF? You can't be SERIOUS!

3:00 I spend the next few hours cleaning up the house.

4:00 Banjo is not concerned. In fact, he thinks it is the perfect time for a nap in a sunbeam.

5:00 I realize that I haven't eaten lunch yet. I slice up some strawberries and head outside for a quick break.

6:00 Larry gets home. We still haven't gotten official confirmation that the closing (which has since been rescheduled for 7:30) is to happen tonight. Hellloooo??? Anyone? Bueller, can you close our mortgage???

6:15 We take the dogs for a walk.
7:00 Back at the house. Receive confirmation that the Dude with the Paperwork will be at our house in 30 minutes to close our mortgage. Wonder if it would be frowned upon to sign The Paperwork under the influence of alcohol.

7:30-8:45 After signing 300 pieces of paper our refinance is closed. The bank now owns my soul for the next 30 years. Also, we are missing the Caps playoff game for this bullshit. Typically, the closing of a mortgage would result in celebration, perhaps champagne, but after this, I just feel like neutering someone with an icepick. Also, Dude with the Paperwork said to us "Wow, most people refinancing with XXX Bank look a lot more punch drunk than you two." We tell him this is only because we know better than to take out our frustrations out on him. He laughs. Nervously. We don't.

8:45 Guess what? It's too late to make dinner again. We make a platter of fruit, olives, cheese, and crackers accompanied by a PBR (his) and a glass of red (mine) and sit down to watch the Caps game. We've been season ticket holders for the past three years. We brace ourselves for disappointment.


10:30 Caps win Game 7 in overtime. Larry celebrates!

10:45 We celebrate with the aforementioned coconut ice cream. Gravy wants to celebrate, too.
11:00-2:00 I edit photos and drink a lot of wine.

This day is so done. Sayonara, Wednesday. Thanks for keeping it real.