happy spring, jerks!

It's been a bitterly cold winter. But the beginning of daylight savings time, some sunshine, and hearing the birds chirping in the mornings over the past few weeks had me feeling hopeful that I'd made it! I'd survived another winter! But on the first day of spring, Mother Nature dumped a pile of snow on us.

23 weeks down, 17ish to go

It was actually our first/only significant snow of the year. This winter was cold, but we only got a few dustings of snow - the kind that melted before you could even put your boots on and head outside. I always get suspicious that there will be a spring snowstorm if we have a snowless winter. If it's going to be cold, I don't mind there being snow in the winter, but once it's spring - no thanks! I lived through five Syracuse winters where it snowed from October through May, and there's a reason I left that city behind when I graduated from college!

But it was nice to have Larry home from work and to cozy up with my family - dogs napping, fire in the fireplace, chili simmering on the stove, peanut butter blondies baking in the oven.




The snow will be melted by tomorrow, and hopefully Mother Nature gets the message that winter is over. I'm ready to bust out my Tevas for real! Here's what I'm looking forward to this spring:

+ A belated fifth anniversary trip to California in April. It's not Hawaii as we'd originally planned, and I won't be drinking virgin tropical drinks or wearing sundresses on the beach, but staying in a cabin among the redwoods and exploring Big Sur still sounds pretty relaxing. Plus, it doesn't require an 11 hour flight to get there!

+ I feel like I've finally hit the sweet spot of pregnancy. The first trimester (and let's be honest, beginning of second trimester, too) symptoms are gone, and I'm not yet feeling heavy and uncomfortable. (Yes, I know I look huge in the photos, but maternity shirts do a really excellent job of accentuating the bump! So far I've gained a quarter of the recommended weight, which means the belly will quadruple in size over the next 17 weeks. Yikes!) But right now, during the day I'm starting to forget that I'm pregnant, until I see my own reflection and think WHOAH! Thankful to be feeling pretty good right now and hoping to make the most of it.

+ Getting back on the trail! I can't wait to get outside and hike this spring. My regular winter walking loop around my neighborhood has gotten so boring, so I'm looking forward to a change in scenery. And maybe I can find some friends to walk with so I can get in some social time, too. It's been a long and lonely winter.

+ Getting back in the pool. When I first found out I was pregnant, I said to myself "I'm going to swim and eat spinach salads every day!" Yeah, that lasted about a week. Then I spent two months lying on the couch and surviving on scrambled eggs and pears and bread. But it's not too late for me to start swimming again. I just need to see if I can squeeze into my swimsuit!

+ Trying new recipes and reading more books. I'm finally starting to enjoy cooking and reading again! I've been making lots of trips to the library and am looking forward to spring at the farmers market and eating fresh veggies. (Maybe I'll finally start eating those spinach salads again!)

+ Creative projects. Creativity has taken the back burner lately, and starting up on painting/drawing/sewing projects again sounds daunting. My brain and hand feel rusty. I need to make this happen.

+ A last hurrah getaway with Larry. I don't know if I'll feel like traveling in May, but I'd love to go to Savannah for a long weekend. I hate the term babymoon, and last hurrah makes it sound like Larry and I won't have any fun after the baby is born (hopefully this isn't true - we're looking forward to doing fun things and traveling with the baby), but a short trip for just the two of us before finishing up the baby prep sounds great. If we can't make Savannah happen, then maybe we'll just take a road trip to somewhere within driving distance of home. The Eastern Shore? West Virginia? We'll see...

Speaking of baby prep, we haven't started yet, so that's also on the schedule for spring. I feel like we have to finish all the house projects that we haven't done over the past 10 years of living here, get our shit together, AND get ready for the baby. Overwhelming!

Lots to do and look forward to. Happy Spring!

telling the grandparents

We told the grandparents we were expecting at Christmas. I was 11 weeks pregnant and honestly would've liked to wait a few more weeks to share our news, but the holidays were such a perfect time to make the announcement.

I generally shy away from big announcements, so I felt a little uncomfortable with all the attention. But there isn't a lot of exciting news in either of our families very often, so I was also looking forward to sharing something worth celebrating with them. Especially since this news was a huge surprise that I knew none of them were expecting!

I actually came up with the announcement gifts completely on my own and they turned out perfectly. So many pregnancy reveals are kind of cheesy, but cheesy or not, I'm so glad that our parents each got to open a little gift and have a souvenir to commemorate the news.

We gave my mom a stocking full of treats and in the bottom was a silver fortune cookie which I told her was a New Year's gift and contained her fortune for 2018:

Her expression was priceless. She was so excited. I've never seen her so happy in my life and she said it was the best news she's ever gotten (after finding out that she was expecting me and my brother).

Next up was my dad. I couldn't resist this as a reveal gift:

Ha! My dad is a pretty reserved guy and I think he was in total shock. As he was processing the news, his girlfriend was fist-pumping and yelling "YAY!" (And I was laughing like an awkward maniac.)

I told him that he had to come up with his grandparent name and he said "Oh we have to do that, do we?" and I said "Well, you don't have to. We can pick a name for you. Or the baby can just call you Old Granddad!" and he said "No, no! I think I can come up with something better than that!"

We wanted to tell Larry's family the news in person, but we couldn't manage to get everyone together in one place, so we ended up calling them and telling them on speakerphone. Larry's mom said "Oh my lands!", his sister cried, and his brother responded with a hilarious stream of expletives and then said "I just want to drive down there right now and give you guys a hug!" They were all so excited and happy. A few weeks later, we were able to visit them and give Larry's mom the reveal gift (a ceramic bird), plus a bonus (a little egg with "It's a boy!" inside) since they didn't know the gender yet. Everyone cried again. I love that the Smiths are happy criers.




These pictures make me teary and make me excited to have a son. I hope that our boy grows up to be as sweet as Larry is to his mama.

These photos are all screenshots from video taken on my phone, so they are not the best quality, but I am so glad to have captured the grandparents' reactions. I know our boy will be happy to have them one day. Telling our families is definitely one of the sweetest memories of this pregnancy so far. I really didn't anticipate just how excited they would be! If I had known that the grandparents would be this happy, maybe Larry and I would've considered having kids sooner!

expanding our pack

We're adding another hiking buddy to our pack of boys this summer. Baby Smith is due in July!

Surprise! I'm pregnant! (Emphasis on the surprise!) And yes, I lugged a tripod into the woods to take this picture, and it was extremely awkward, but I made sure we were deep enough into the trees so no one else could see us.

I'm 16 weeks along, and comfortably out of the first trimester, though I have yet to feel the "magical burst of energy" that was promised to me in the second tri. In fact, I'm just now starting to feel the slightest bit of relief from the absolute crushing fatigue that plagued me from weeks 7 through 15. I spent all of December and January lying on the sofa taking multiple naps each day and proclaiming to Larry that I felt like "rotten garbage." My rotten garbage analogy took on a life of its own when Larry would try to come up with a more disgusting analogy each day: "Do you feel like dirty poop today? A truck stop bathroom? A leaky porta-john?" Yes, yes, and yes. And it's a good thing we're having a boy because we both seem to have the sense of humor of five year old boys ourselves!

When I told Larry I was pregnant, he laughed. Then he said "You know one thing our kid will never do?" and I said "Go to Disney World?" and he said "How did you know?!" and then we high-fived and laughed. So we're already on the same page when it comes to parenting. Sorry, kid - we'll take you to as many national parks and foreign countries as we can afford, but never Disney!

Larry and I are both still in shock over the news and I probably will be until I give birth/for the next 18 years/forever.

Him: I don't think I'll believe you're pregnant until I have proof!
Me: You mean like seeing a human come out of my va--
Him: No! Like when you have a belly!
Me: Well I kind of already have a belly...
Him: No, I mean A BELLY. Like THIS! (Pats his own belly.)
Me: How many weeks gestation is that?
Him: 46 years!

Yeah, I went there. And I'm finding that the secret to surviving pregnancy (and I'm assuming childbirth and parenting, too) is to have a sense of humor. I'm so glad I have Larry to keep me laughing when I feel like rotten garbage.

P.S. I definitely don't plan on turning this into a baby blog, but right now this pregnancy is a big thing happening in my life, so I should probably document it. I know I'll be glad I did in a few years. This is a blog about my life and my family, so our baby will definitely appear here, but hopefully interspersed with and included in posts about our other interests: travel, art, books, music, food/cooking, hiking, etc. My goal as a parent is to integrate our child into the lifestyle we already enjoy and to include him in the things that we already love to do. But right now, I'm too mentally and physically exhausted to have other interests - the double whammy of pregnancy during my winter hibernation season left me unable to read, watch TV, put on real clothes, or do anything besides listen to music while lying under a blanket. Hopefully I'll be back to blogging the backlog of trips we've taken over the past few years soon, but I'll also share a couple posts per trimester about the pregnancy. 

the summer of blackberries

If I remember the summer of 2016 for anything, it will be for the Olympics and the blackberries. I've spent the past few months avoiding society and generally hiding from the world. Perhaps it's not the most constructive way of dealing with things when life gets tough, but it's what I tend to do in overwhelming, uncomfortable, and stressful situations. So I've spent the summer as a homebody - drawing in my sketchbook, watching the Olympics on TV, and eating my weight in blackberries.

I like to go berry picking in the summer and on the last day of July, Larry and I set out in search of some nature therapy and some berries. At the time, I wanted blueberries. I knew the blueberry season was coming to an end, but we checked the websites of several farms which said there was still scattered blueberry picking available. We decided not to go to our usual berry farm and to try somewhere new, so following the directions on the website, Larry called Catoctin Mountain Orchard to verify that they were open and had blueberries available. The answers were yes and yes, so we drove 65 miles to Thurmont, Maryland. Upon our arrival, we inquired about blueberry picking and were told "Oh, we don't do u-pick on Sundays." WHAT. I was more than a little peeved. What's the point of calling ahead if you get incorrect information...anyway, it was time for Plan B. So we headed back to our favorite, reliable farm, Butler's Orchard, in Germantown. In the past, we've picked blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries at Butler's, but it had been a few years since we were last there. I was dismayed to learn that they now have a cover charge to get onto the picking fields. It really irritates me to have to spend money to get into a place where I am going to buy something. That being said, since we had paid a cover charge, I didn't feel bad about sampling a few berries straight off the vine. (Maybe this is why they have the cover charge? Are people eating the produce in the fields? Anyway, between the two of us, the cover charge was equivalent to the cost of two pounds of berries, which we certainly did not eat from the vine!) Enough complaints, though, onto the picking...

We drove up to the blueberry fields, and as we had been warned, the blueberry picking was "scattered." There were very few berries, and the berries that were left were puny. It wasn't much fun, so we headed to the blackberry fields instead, which were dripping with huge juicy berries. We picked almost 9 pounds of blackberries! I've lost interest in carrying my DSLR camera with me and photographing everything these days, so here are a few iPhone pics:







Everyone always asks me what I do with 9 pounds of berries. For a berry-addict like me, it isn't hard to use up all those berries, plus I enjoy the challenge of finding and testing new recipes. It was Iron Chef Battle Blackberry in the Smoellke Test Kitchen and I think blackberries have comprised 75% of my diet over the past few weeks. I love trying new recipes, but honestly, my favorite way to eat any berries, is straight up in a bowl. Blackberries are also a great drink ingredient, so I made more than a few purple cocktails.

Here are 15 ways we ate and drank blackberries this summer, as pictured above, left to right:

 1. Straight up with a little sugar
 2. Blackberry Gin Fizz
 3. Blackberry and Pecan Grilled Pizza
 4. Blackberry Piña Colada
 5. Big Ass Salad with Blackberries and Fig Balsamic Vinaigrette
 6. Blackberry Whiskey Sour
 7. Blackberry Cheesecake Galette
 8. Blackberry Mezcal Smash
 9. Blackberry Cream Pie with Toasted Oat and Sesame Crumb Crust
10. Bourbon Blackberry Collins
11. Vegan Pancakes with Blackberry Syrup
12. Blackberry Shrubs: Blackberry-Rum Shrub and Blackberry Bourbon & Maple Syrup Shrub
13. Blackberry Cornmeal Muffins
14. Blackberry Pineapple Smash
15. Blackberry-Pineapple Sidecar

That Blackberry-Pineapple Sidecar is one of my favorite cocktails ever. I may have drank three last night. They're good medicine when you've had a tough few months, but perhaps an even less healthy coping method than hiding under a rock. ;)

And with that, all the blackberries are gone and the Olympics are over. Until next year/2020...

locked out

Yesterday, I managed to lock myself out of the house for SIX HOURS. My phone, wallet, and book were INSIDE. The dogs and I were outside.

I had no way to contact Larry, and of course it ended up being the day that he didn't get home from the office until 9 pm. (I even considered walking to find a pay phone, but I haven't seen one of those in years. And I didn't have a quarter anyway.) My options were:

+ Walk 7 miles to my mother's house in 80+ degree heat to get the spare key 
(Note to Self: Your nearest spare key should not be 7 miles away.)
+ Break a window
+ Wait it out

I wasn't keen on walking anywhere in public considering my uncombed hair situation which could only be described as full-fledged Heat Miser. And honestly, it takes us years to accomplish home improvement projects, so I figured if I broke a window, we'd be living with a plastic-covered window for at least the next twelve months. Since we weren't in any imminent danger, and since I've been trying to make the most of frustrating situations, I went with waiting.

Time for 'survivor' mode! I had access to water, the garden shed full of yard tools, and a set of dumbbells (from counterweighting our Christmas tree a few years ago - yes, they have been sitting on the patio for 2 1/2 years). I also had a bag of pita chips, which are the whole reason I got locked out in the first place - I went outside to have a snack, and foolishly slammed the door shut behind me. We have the kind of doorknobs that remain locked on the outside even when the knob turns on the inside. Actually, I'm surprised that this is the first time I've done this in the eight years we've lived in this house.

I think I was most annoyed by not having a book. I mean how does one occupy oneself for six hours without reading material?

Things I did:

+ LIFTED WEIGHTS
Might as well build some muscles!
+ 50 CHEATER PUSH-UPS
Ok, I don't actually have any muscles and my puny T-Rex arms can't do regular push-ups.
+ PACED THE PATIO
Managed to hit all my FitBit goals! I would've liked to walk around the entire perimeter of our backyard, but let's face it, it's full of dog shit.
+ MEDITATED
This was my first time doing an unguided meditation. I've been using the Headspace app for guided meditation the past few months and love it. I'm definitely not into new age-y stuff, but this app has really been helping me and I used what I learned to stay relaxed in a frustrating situation.
+ PEED IN THE CORNER
This is not the first time I've peed in my own backyard, but it's the first time I've had to do it in broad daylight! There are a few neighbors on our street who deserve to be mooned anyway, so two birds, one stone...

Are we sensing a theme here? Does my confinement sound similar to prison? In fact, when Larry got home, he said, "That's a nice little prison yard you made for yourself":


Other things I did:
+ YARDWORK
+ ATE PITA CHIPS
+ WASHED MY HAIR UNDER THE GARDEN HOSE
+ CONSTRUCTED AN S.O.S. MESSAGE TO LARRY ON THE FRONT PORCH

Locked Out

Sticks and stones on concrete

18" x 96"

2016

While I had a whole list of things waiting for me to accomplish inside the house, I found that being separated from my To Dos was actually quite liberating. I realized that spending an entire day stuck outside is actually more enjoyable the spending an entire day stuck inside. Even without access to a bathroom.

these feet...

Over the past three months, these feet have tromped all over VA, NJ, CO, WY, ME, and NM. They've hiked on trails and boardwalks, and through mountains, streams, and canyons. They've explored cities, climbed ladders, and pedaled bicycles. They've trekked through 8 airports, sat restlessly on 10 flights, and slept in 10 different beds...

As I was sitting on a plane flying home from New Mexico yesterday, I had images of all the places Larry and I have traveled to over the past year and a half flashing through my brain: Oahu, Maui, Smith Island, Kentucky, North Carolina, New Jersey, Colorado, Wyoming, Maine, New Mexico... My mind was zipping all over the USA as hundreds of mental photos flew through my head. They say pictures of your life flash before your eyes before you die, and if this is what I'll see, I'll know that at least I experienced life to the fullest in 2013-14. But I'm not sure where I am right now...

It seems like just yesterday that it was June, and I was anticipating the beginning of summer. I was looking forward to eating dinner on our back porch, sweet corn, cold beers, lazy weekends, and perhaps a trip to the beach. And then I was whisked across the map via airplane: DCA>DEN>DCA, DCA>ORD>JAC>DEN>IAD, DCA>BGR>DCA, BWI>ABQ>BWI. And now suddenly you're telling me it's October?! I feel a bit like I was blindfolded, spun around, and placed stumbling and dizzy in the middle of the U.S. map. Where am I today? I've been to the mountains, the desert, the city, the coast, the forest. I've slept in secluded cabins and fancy hotel rooms. That feeling of waking up in an unfamiliar bed and taking a few seconds to figure out where I am is all too familiar right now. I'm feeling a bit discombobulated.

I'm not the kind of person who gets homesick. I prefer to be out in the world exploring and adventuring and trying new things. At home, I fall into ruts and bad habits and the routine of daily life wears me down and zaps my energy, motivation, and attitude. That's not to say I don't miss things in Virginia when we're away: my dogs, our friends and family, and after spending several nights sleeping in a Motel 6 bed with a pillow that was the approximate size and thickness of a piece of kleenex, I definitely appreciate our plush king-sized bed at home.

So while I'm not quite sure how to transition back into life at home, after months of scheduling one last minute trip after another, and hours spent on planes and in airports, I think I'm finally ready to be here for a while. And after visiting the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum and the incredible Canyon Road in Santa Fe, I feel more artistically inspired than I've been in years. I need to act on that before it disappears! Within a week, I'll probably be itching for adventure again, but right now I can say that I don't want to see the inside of another airplane until 2015.

So good job, feet. You've taken me far this year. I've pushed you to walk further and climb higher than you ever have before. And you've allowed me to explore and interact with new environments and people all over the country. You've taken me to see things that inspire me artistically - the natural world, the architecture of different regions of the U.S., the work of other artists. You've treated me well, feet, but I think it's time to put you up for a bit. At least until next week...

summery summary

Summer on the back porch - a duet by Larry and special guest, Merlin of The Borrowed Abode.

When I last blogged, I think it was still snowing. And I was sick. Don't worry, I haven't really been sick for the past four months. Nor have I given up blogging or been intentionally hiding under a rock. There have been a few frustrations keeping me from writing (a broken computer and a complete meltdown of all Apple products in the Smoellke house being the main problem), but mostly I've just been busy doing other things.

My summer activities can pretty much be summarized into three categories: books, travel, and vegetables. Oh yeah, and broken shit - like my computer. (And also the car, toilet, tub, kitchen sink, and front door knob. And my iPhone. Pretty much everything is broken right now.)

Anyway, I thought I'd break the blogging ice with a summary of what we've been up to these past few months. I hope to write in detail about a lot of these things at some point in the future, but for now - bullets:

+ BOOKS
Summer is reading season for me, and I've been checking out huge stacks of books from the library and tearing through them. Just like last summer, I've been instagramming what I've been reading (and drinking) - check it out with hashtag #booksandbeverages. I'm pretty much obsessed with books right now - I like discussing them and I'm currently addicted to the Dear Book Nerd podcast - give it a listen, fellow bookworms!

+ TRAVEL
We've been out of town 18 days out of the past month. And I love it. In July we took trips to New Jersey, Colorado, and Wyoming. We visited friends and family, explored national parks, hiked, biked, floated, sat on the beach, and tried new restaurants. Next month we go to Maine. It could not be a more perfect way to spend summer. I am my happiest when I am traveling. Our relationship is at its best when we're exploring the world together. And travel is such a great reminder of all that is out there and all that I want to see and do in my life. (Keeping up with life at home in between trips is a bit chaotic though. The house is littered with suitcases, receipts, maps, and piles of dirty clothes. Oh well!)

+ VEGETABLES
Larry and I have been eating a plant-based diet since the end of March. It wasn't something I felt comfortable writing about when we made the switch, but now we're four and half months in and I've been surprised at how many friends have expressed interest, curiosity, and support for our new diet. So at some point I will share our thoughts and favorite recipes (and I promise not to be a preachy vegan!). We also joined a CSA this year (Bull Run Mountain Farm) and so we have spent the summer drowning in vegetables. I have enough homemade salsa and pickles and pesto to feed an army!

+ WEEKENDS
This spring we got into a weekend tradition of taking a hike or visiting our CSA farm in the morning and then stopping at a winery on the way home to sit outside and enjoy a bottle of wine in the Virginia (or Maryland) countryside. We've been to Paradise Springs, The Winery at Bull Run, Greenhill Winery, Maggie Malick Wine Cave, and Sugarloaf Mountain Vineyard. We also love stopping at our favorite lunch spot in Falls Church, Nourish Market, for vegan chick'n salad sandwiches. Evenings are spent in our own backyard.

+ A YEAR OF ACTIVE
Exercise is still a part of my life, though I've found I have a hard time sticking to a routine when I'm traveling so much. Luckily, we've had very active vacations that have included hikes and bike rides, so I'm still logging lots of miles on my FitBit and instagramming my progress with hashtag #ayearofactive. We're currently obsessed with cycling and are looking to buy bikes of our own, which so far has proven more frustrating/confusing than shopping for a car. (We've been to NINE bike shops in the past week...)

+ NATURAL SKIN & BEAUTY PRODUCTS
When we started changing our diet back in March, it only seemed natural to pay more attention to what I was putting ON my body as well. I've spent the past five months switching to natural and chemical-free skin and beauty products. I've found some great stuff and am still searching for others. (Mineral sunscreen is a bust so far - the ones I've tried leave my skin coated with a white film that I can't stand!) This is another topic I'll write more about, when I have all the answers...

+ FUNNELCLOUD STUDIO
My business has been put on the back burner this year. I'm still shipping prints and I even designed a new product, but I'm taking a break from art markets until the holidays. I'm also discontinuing the majority of the prints in my shop - so once they sell out on Etsy they'll be gone forever. But new stuff and hopefully a new website will take their place in the coming months, once I get these technical snafus sorted out...

Back to that broken computer. It's still broken. It's actually been broken since January. (I'm currently blogging from Larry's laptop which he brought home from work for the weekend.) And yeah, it's annoying to not have a computer, but it's also kind of nice. I like spending my time doing things other than staring at a screen all day. I like not spending hours editing photos. But it's no way to run a business or keep in touch with people. I honestly cannot keep up with 200 e-mails a day on my phone (which seems to be selective about what messages it receives anyway), so if you e-mailed me this year and I didn't get back to you, I offer my sincerest apologies and I promise I am not intentionally ignoring anyone - many e-mails have unfortunately slipped through the cracks. I've told my friends that I am currently only capable of communicating by text message or Instagram!

So I can't say that this is the beginning of regular blogging again for me, but I at least wanted to check in. Hopefully, I'll save the cash/gain the know-how to fix my poor iMac soon. Until then, Instagram...and exploring the world!

sick days

There's something so inviting about afternoon sunlight on a rumpled bed.

Just when exercise was starting to become a habit and I actually began craving daily activity, I had to go and get sick. It's thrown a major monkey wrench in my #ayearofactive and April swimming goals, which is really frustrating. On the plus side, being sick has given me plenty of time to lounge around watching more documentaries and poring through a pile of new cookbooks (thanks, Amazon Rewards!).

Since I don't have the brain power to compose paragraphs, instead I'll compose a bullet-list of random things in between nose blowings:

+ I spent the weekend being a tourist in my own city. Friday night started out as an after-work happy hour and ended up turning into an accidental bar crawl to some of the diviest bars in DC that I used to frequent in my twenties. Fun times (that I regretted the next morning)!

+ On Saturday, we walked around Georgetown, watched the GW Invitational Regatta, and treated ourselves to cupcakes from Baked & Wired. I usually hate walking around Georgetown, but the weather was so delightful (blue skies and pink petals everywhere), it ended up being a fantastic afternoon.

+ Lately, I've been addicted to playing the game Dots on my phone, or as Larry calls it "Dots on the Pot" for obvious reasons...

+ This video of two Dutch grandmothers flying on a plane for the first time is the best thing I've ever seen.

+ The Food-Lover's Drive Along the Blue Ridge Parkway - this looks like an amazing local-ish road trip. Larry, let's go! Also, 30 Places to Eat in Virginia Before You Die. Oh, and there's a book, too: Food Lover's Guide to Virginia. I've been dreaming of travel lately, but it's exciting to know that we could take a fun and delicious trip in our own state.

+ Speaking of dreams, the other night I had a dream about TOFU. Our new eating habits are permeating my subconscious - yikes! Also, the other day, I ATE THIS:

(Next thing you know, I'll just go out into our yard and start stuffing my mouth with fistfuls of lawn.)

+ This video of 2CELLOS has been going around the internet lately. If I had known stringed instruments could be so cool, maybe I would've stuck with the violin!

+ My childhood friend, Corinne's recent blog post, My Messy Beautiful, really spoke to me as a 35 year old self-employed person who is constantly questioning my life, my career, the decisions I've made, and where I'm going. (Oy!) Corinne perfectly articulated these shared struggles in her beautifully written piece.

And with that, I'm off to blow my nose again, attempt to get a good night's sleep, and hope to be in the pool tomorrow. Life really is messy (literally - you should see the pile of wadded tissues on my nightstand!) and beautiful. Right now I'm just hoping for less boogers.

perspective + changes

March was a difficult and introspective month. We spent some time visiting Larry's dad, who was in the hospital recovering from somewhat unexpected triple coronary bypass surgery. Scary, eye-opening stuff. As Larry and I were driving home to Virginia after several days spent in the hospital, we turned to each other and said "Life is f***ing brutal." It was a difficult thing to witness and it was definitely a thought-provoking weekend.

Larry and I have been making some pretty drastic changes to our lives since the beginning of the year, and the events of this month have further fueled our desire to change many aspects of our lives. We've been keeping to ourselves a lot lately, which has given me a lot of clarity and time to evaluate the choices we make, our health, and our relationships. My perspective on so many things has changed for the better over the past few weeks.

Between the quiet post and the productivity post and the changes we are currently working on, I feel like I'm going all self-helpy and inspirational, but never fear, my sarcastic potty-mouthed self is still alive and well. I'm just really liking this new direction and the new priorities in my life, and I'm feeling way more relaxed and motivated, which is an unexpected reaction to such a stressful event.

The changes we're making aren't things I'm ready to write about yet, as I feel like I set myself up to fail whenever I make set-in-stone lists of goals to accomplish. Instead, we're adapting and evaluating the choices we make as we go to achieve what we're comfortable with. Changing our lifestyle is bigger than crossing things off a list, so I'll share what we've accomplished if/when I feel confident that we've succeeded at making permanent changes. (Does that sound cryptic? I didn't mean for it to - we're simply trying to live healthier, smarter, happier and more aware.)

As for Larry's dad - his surgery was a success, we were impressed by the care he was getting (big thanks to all the hardworking and compassionate nurses out there!) and he is now finally home from the hospital. He has a long road of recovery and change ahead, but then again, don't we all?

first anniversary

On March 4th, Larry and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. It felt a little strange to be celebrating a first anniversary considering we've been together for over ten years. We're typically pretty lax (or lazy) with the celebration of special occasions, but ever since our wedding, I'd been thinking that we needed to start a few anniversary traditions that we could look forward to every year:

1. A March beach trip. 
Since we got married on the beach and since March is a great time of year to escape winter with a warm weather vacation, I thought it would be fun to take an anniversary trip to a different beach each year. (A few suggestions for future reference, Larry: Florida, California, the Bahamas, any Caribbean island, Canary Islands, Fiji, Costa Rica, Belize, Kauai, Mexico, Turks & Caicos...no we can't afford all these trips, but I can dream...)

2. Coconut cake.
After we eloped on Waimanalo Beach, we drove to Oahu's North Shore and grabbed a celebratory slice of coconut cake. As an anniversary tradition, I'd like to eat a slice of coconut cake (or a cupcake) from a different bakery each year. (Preferably from a bakery in a beach town - see #1.)

3. Anniversary photo.
A picture of the two of us each year, taken on March 4th. (Preferably on the beach and maybe with cake - see #1-2.)

Hopefully our first anniversary isn't an indicator as to whether these will become yearly traditions, because I give us a score of 1.5 out of 3. We hoped to take a trip to Florida, but this wasn't feasible due to a family emergency. So we made the best of it and made reservations for a lovely dinner at Restaurant Eve. We were too stuffed from the five-course tasting menu to go out for dessert after dinner, but we did get coconut cake a few days later from Society Fair in Alexandria, Virginia - not on the beach, but still delicious. As for the anniversary photo, I set up my tripod when we got back from dinner and Gravy proceeded to photobomb 30 timer photos in a row. The lighting sucked, we were tired, and Larry was over it, so this will have to do:

It may not be on the beach, but sometimes life gets in the way. Marriage is full of compromises. I had meant to write a post on my thoughts on marriage after the first year, but I'll just sum it up like this: Being married is awesome.

It's even better than cake.

thoughts on productivity and taking a break

My view during Olympic Break: 

A creative and messy workspace, a quilt in progress, a dog butt, a fire, and the games on TV.

At the beginning of the year, I decided to take a different approach to tackling my business goals and scheduled out an entire year's worth of projects with deadlines, launch dates, and focus weeks all blocked in on my NeuYear Calendar with colorful labels and tape. I also blocked off weeks/weekends for vacation time, and scheduled a two week break in February, which I deemed my own personal Olympic Break.

The plan was to use the time to focus on personal projects and eliminate distractions. On February 7th, I deleted Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram from my phone. I stopped reading blogs. I set up a folding work table in my living room and another in my dining room. Larry was on a business trip, so I spent my days with my dogs, the Olympics, and my sewing machine as we were hammered with a February snowstorm. It turned out to be one of the best things I could have done for myself and the most relaxed and productive times in my life in recent memory.

I spend so much of my life staring at a screen - my computer, my phone, even being behind the lens of my camera - that I sometimes feel like I'm not really living my life. To be honest, once I got past the first two days of absent-mindedly picking up my phone and finding my finger instinctually going for the Instagram icon, I found I wasn't really that interested in social media anymore. My brain was no longer saturated with a constant deluge of information from blogs, Twitter, and Facebook and I could finally focus and concentrate without feeling overwhelmed. During the day, I worked on my projects. If I needed a break - those times I would usually glance at my phone - I sat down and read a book. I interacted with my dogs. I tasted my food. I looked out the window and appreciated the snow with my own eyes instead of looking at 20 photos in a row on Instagram of other people's snow-covered porch furniture.

And I found that once I stopped wanting to look at my phone, I stopped wanting to look at all screens. The thought of sitting down at my computer (the one that I've stared at all day for years) repulsed me. I wasn't reading blogs or social media, but I also had no desire to google anything or edit photos or even look at my computer. (Which is why it's taken me a month to finally sit down and write this blog post.) I didn't want to pick up my camera either - I wanted to savor real life. I wanted to experience without documenting. I was able to reclaim my headspace as my own.

During my two week break, I was filled with an almost manic energy. I woke up excited about my day, I went to bed fullfilled, I slept better than I have in years. There was a freedom to not caring what anyone else thought or what anyone else was doing. I focused on my own projects and I got stuff done. I wish I could bottle up the way I felt over Olympic Break and dole out the magic of those weeks throughout the year - a sip here and there to regain the productivity, drive, and peace I felt in my life.

When the two weeks were over, I logged into Instagram, added a few pics, and scrolled through my feed. I re-added the Facebook app to my phone and then promptly re-deleted it. I read a few of my favorite blogs to get caught up. But I found my productivity start to dwindle again and my anxiety start to increase. If these things are causing me so much stress...then why do them? Because as much as I needed a break from the world, I also love staying in touch with people. I love my family and friends and I love seeing what they are up to - their travels, the photos of their children, the things that are going on in their lives. I love connecting with people online. As a self-employed person who spends most of her day alone, opportunities to socialize are important to my sanity and survival. So I hate that the solution to being more productive and less anxious seems to be to become a hermit! (And surely this would slowly drive me crazy.) I need to find a way to balance productivity and socializing. I need to prioritize productivity. I need to prioritize myself, my family, and living and experiencing my own life.

It's obviously time for a change - a big one. It's time to schedule more time for myself. It's time to be deliberate and present. I'm not going to give up social media entirely or stop blogging because these things are important to me and have benefits, but I am going to be more deliberate about them. Maybe I'll only check social media and read blogs on Fridays - as a reward for a productive week. I'll take fewer photos but be more deliberate about what I photograph. My blog posts will be shorter (unlike this one) and focused on the important stuff. I'll share the highlights of my life. I'll share what's going on with my business (one of the founding reasons for starting this blog, which has seemed to go by the wayside). Less quantity, more quality. More focus. Keeping it up won't be easy, but now that I have a taste of the productivity that awaits, I hope to maintain my momentum.

And I have lots of things to share coming up - especially what I actually DID during my productive break and a whole bunch of new ideas for Funnelcloud Studio. But right now I'm more interested in actually working on them (and hopefully finishing them!) than photographing them. So stay tuned. Good things are coming.

quiet

I spent the past few weeks taking a break from social media to focus on personal projects during the Olympics. It was one of the best things I've ever done for myself and has totally changed the way I think about how I spend my days and experience my life.

My break coincided with Larry being away on business and with a big February snowstorm (and then more and more little snowstorms - evidently it snows every day here now?), so my life these past few weeks has been quiet. While everyone else seems to be complaining non-stop about the cold weather and "Not another snowstorm! When will winter end?", this winter-hater has been relishing being snowed in. There's been time to work on personal projects and dream up/plan/experiment with business projects. There's been time to sit by the fire and read books. There's been time to snuggle my puppies and watch Mother Nature's snowglobe outside my window. While it may sound like I've spent the past month sitting on my butt, it has actually been some of the most productive and thought-provoking weeks of my life. And I'm not quite ready for it to end.

So even though the Olympics are over now, the snow has melted (and fallen again), and Larry has returned from being stuck out west due to airport closures across the country, it is still quiet around here. Our Valentine's Day dinner, one year engagement anniversary dinner, and an anniversary trip to Florida were all cancelled due to snow and business, and yet I'm content. This weekend, I watched my boys playing frisbee in the snow and snapped photos through the window screen and savored real life and being in the moment. I ventured out a few times after the Olympics ended - a hike with the pups, cocktails with a friend, and dinner at Restaurant Eve with Larry to celebrate our first anniversary before he jetsetted off again on business.




There are signs that spring is coming - a huge flock of robins (confused and puffed up as round as baseballs) roosting in our backyard during Monday's snowstorm, crocuses peeking up through the ice, and soon I will crave adventure and will want to be outside and rejoin the real world. I have lots of thoughts to share about my Olympic Break, but for now, I am still happy staying in, being cozy, and relishing the quiet.

half-assed christmas

Half a dog ass. (Again.)

When I wrote Iced by Scrooge at the beginning of December, I was just joking around. Sure the toppling Christmas tree was an inconvenience, but we tied it up, took all the breakable ornaments off the tree and proceeded to go about our merry way through December.

I tried to keep my sense of humor throughout the month and started tagging my lame attempts at getting into the Christmas spirit (and anything that went wrong) as #halfassedchristmas on Instagram. Supporting your Christmas tree with string and dumbbells is definitely half-assed. So is decorating by dumping Christmas balls into a bowl. I sent my Christmas cards out on December 20th. That was definitely half-assed. (But they were actually wedding announcements, not Christmas cards, so I figured I get a pass...except our wedding was nine months ago...)

We can't do it all. #halfassedchristmas was funny and reminded me not to take things too seriously during a usually busy and stressful month.

Little did I know that come December 23rd, #halfassedchristmas would bite me in the ass. Larry and I had gone out to dinner for my birthday. It was a 45 minute drive home from the restaurant, and within two minutes of walking in the door, Larry was hit by a violent stomach flu that left him retching and feverish for the next two days. Poor guy. He spent Christmas Eve shivering and sweating on the couch:

We cancelled Christmas Eve dinner and Mom brought us a pizza. I told Larry not to bother wrapping my gifts, but that evening he dragged himself upstairs to wrap in the bedroom while I was frantically baking downstairs in the kitchen. I later went upstairs and found this:

Larry went to bed and I stayed up by myself on Christmas Eve to finish baking a peppermint cheesecake. I had planned to decorate it with white chocolate trees. I melted the chocolate, put it in a bag and began to pipe the trees onto waxed paper. They came out perfectly:

Well, shit. The melted chocolate caused the bag to explode and there was no way that clumpy mess was going to look like a tree anyway. I was over it. Merry freaking half-assed Christmas! It was time for bed.


Larry was still sick on Christmas Day, so we had a low-key Christmas morning together and then I went out to Maryland to have Christmas dinner with my extended family:


When I got home, the patient was still shivering on the couch. I tried to get him to rally for a family Christmas photo - it was our first married Christmas after all! This is what I got:

Oh well.

I later heard that we weren't the only ones who had a crappy Christmas this year. Multiple friends had sick children, home disasters, and minor tragedies befall them. I DEMAND A DO-OVER!


But in between the frustrations, there were some good bits to the month:

A birthday text from my mom that made me teary.


A good haircut. A friend who left homemade rum cake and wine dressed as a sock monkey on my doorstep.


A birthday cocktail called a Mexican Warhead. A hilarious book given to me by my oldest friend. A birthday celebration with friends from all different periods of my life. (So much fun that I forgot to take pictures.)


Larry and I both giving each other instruments for Christmas: ukulele for me, strumstick for him. (We have a habit of accidently giving each other very similar gifts.) Flickering candles.


A delicious Christmas dinner. And the peppermint cheesecake was a hit, even without the white chocolate trees.


And as always, the cutest pups. We didn't give them anything for Christmas but used wrapping paper. And they loved it. (They also got to lick out some peanut butter jars...)


And New Year's Eve on the beach in the Outer Banks. I didn't take out my Nikon the entire weekend, but there was a hilarious game of Cards Against Humanity, a bonfire on the beach as the clock struck midnight, a tumbler full of Dom Perignon, and the white flash of naked flesh as drunk people skinny- dipped in the frigid Atlantic in the wee hours of the new year. (No photos of that part, and to clarify, the naked fools were not part of our group!)

So those were our holidays this year. Our first married Christmas was rather half-assed and crappy, but hey, that just leaves room for improvement! But right now I am over it. It's time to move on. Don't let the door slap ya on the way out, December 2013!

week in the life | sunday

Good morning!


It's another glorious day out!


Larry sleeps in.


So I paint my toenails on the back porch. (And admire my flip-flop tan!) The chipped red polish that's been on my toes half the summer has to go, in favor of my favorite (discontinued) shade: Vintage by Revlon. (It looks magenta in summer and cranberry in fall.)


Breakfast on the back porch.


Croissant with chocolate butter. It's AMAZING, even if Larry says it looks like a "bowl of dookie" and opts for cereal instead.


I drive to the Mosaic District to meet girlfriends for lunch at Matchbox. (Fun fact: Larry and I had our first date at the Matchbox in Chinatown in 2003.) I'm the first to arrive (this NEVER happens), so I sit outside the restaurant to wait for my friends.


When your friends are also bloggers, there's a lot of photography going on. Here's Sarah in action.


We all whipped out giant cameras at the same time. "Whoah!", exclaimed our waiter. It reminded me of an action movie when everyone draws a gun at once. Click!


I had crabcake benedict with breakfast potatoes and a lemonade. Might as well continue my gluttonous Sunday.


It was a wonderful afternoon of chatting, eating, and window shopping with Ashley, Sarah, and Sarah. We left promising, as always, to do it more often. (Color coordinating of outfits was inadvertent!)


Arriving back home.


While I was gone, Larry did the dishes, cleaned the stove, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom, and made homemade guava BBQ sauce. We spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning up and prepping food together before Mom comes over for dinner.


I pick up the house (mostly Larry's shoes) and wipe down the kitchen counter.


Also, Larry is over Week in the Life!


Mixing a new cocktail for tonight: the Lilikoi Itch. Guava nectar, passionfruit juice, rum, vodka, triple sec.


Mom arrives. The dogs LOVE her. (Also, she has dog treats stuffed in her pockets and purse.)


Me and Mom.


Larry mans the grill. The ribs are marinated with sherry in a spray bottle.


We hang out on the patio before dinner, drinking cocktails and eating guacamole. Gravy gives out wet willies to unsuspecting guests.


Here's me shucking corn in a dress in front of a collection of dead plants and an unmowed yard. Glamorous, glamorous.


Sun starts to set. Per usual, it's dark before dinner is served.


Last summer backyard meal: Chinese-Style Ribs with Guava Barbecue Sauce; Spinach, Watermelon, and Feta Salad; Corn-on-the-Cob.


Mini coconut cake split three ways for dessert! (I am usually opposed to store-bought cakes, but make an exception for Wegman's coconut cake. Yum!)


Perfect company, perfect evening.


After Mom leaves, we retreat to the sofa.


The week is done. Here's what my To Do list and planner look like by the end of the week. I never come anywhere close to crossing everything off. And yes, I realize I should make a shorter, more prioritized, and more realistic list - but have always gone with the 'brain dump' technique instead. Lots of thoughts swirling in my head this week on how to make my days more productive.


End the week in bed with another episode of Scandal. Season 2 is getting INTENSE.

Another week in the life, done!

P.S. Did I mention that Larry is SO OVER Week in the Life???