Thursday, May 26, 2016

locked out

locked out
Yesterday, I managed to lock myself out of the house for SIX HOURS. My phone, wallet, and book were INSIDE. The dogs and I were outside.

I had no way to contact Larry, and of course it ended up being the day that he didn't get home from the office until 9 pm. (I even considered walking to find a pay phone, but I haven't seen one of those in years. And I didn't have a quarter anyway.) My options were:

+ Walk 7 miles to my mother's house in 80+ degree heat to get the spare key 
(Note to Self: Your nearest spare key should not be 7 miles away.)
+ Break a window
+ Wait it out

I wasn't keen on walking anywhere in public considering my uncombed hair situation which could only be described as full-fledged Heat Miser. And honestly, it takes us years to accomplish home improvement projects, so I figured if I broke a window, we'd be living with a plastic-covered window for at least the next twelve months. Since we weren't in any imminent danger, and since I've been trying to make the most of frustrating situations, I went with waiting.

Time for 'survivor' mode! I had access to water, the garden shed full of yard tools, and a set of dumbbells (from counterweighting our Christmas tree a few years ago - yes, they have been sitting on the patio for 2 1/2 years). I also had a bag of pita chips, which are the whole reason I got locked out in the first place - I went outside to have a snack, and foolishly slammed the door shut behind me. We have the kind of doorknobs that remain locked on the outside even when the knob turns on the inside. Actually, I'm surprised that this is the first time I've done this in the eight years we've lived in this house.

I think I was most annoyed by not having a book. I mean how does one occupy oneself for six hours without reading material?

Things I did:

+ LIFTED WEIGHTS
Might as well build some muscles!
+ 50 CHEATER PUSH-UPS
Ok, I don't actually have any muscles and my puny T-Rex arms can't do regular push-ups.
+ PACED THE PATIO
Managed to hit all my FitBit goals! I would've liked to walk around the entire perimeter of our backyard, but let's face it, it's full of dog shit.
+ MEDITATED
This was my first time doing an unguided meditation. I've been using the Headspace app for guided meditation the past few months and love it. I'm definitely not into new age-y stuff, but this app has really been helping me and I used what I learned to stay relaxed in a frustrating situation.
+ PEED IN THE CORNER
This is not the first time I've peed in my own backyard, but it's the first time I've had to do it in broad daylight! There are a few neighbors on our street who deserve to be mooned anyway, so two birds, one stone...

Are we sensing a theme here? Does my confinement sound similar to prison? In fact, when Larry got home, he said, "That's a nice little prison yard you made for yourself":
locked out

Other things I did:
+ YARDWORK
+ ATE PITA CHIPS
+ WASHED MY HAIR UNDER THE GARDEN HOSE
+ CONSTRUCTED AN S.O.S. MESSAGE TO LARRY ON THE FRONT PORCH
locked out
Locked Out
Sticks and stones on concrete
18" x 96"
2016

While I had a whole list of things waiting for me to accomplish inside the house, I found that being separated from my To Dos was actually quite liberating. I realized that spending an entire day stuck outside is actually more enjoyable the spending an entire day stuck inside. Even without access to a bathroom.

3 comments:

little green field book said...

Haha omg I think I'd much rather endure your version of being locked out. At least you had pita chips...and a yard...and clothes...and heat... Compared to your prison yard, I was in solitary confinement waiting on death row.

Funnelcloud Rachel said...

Solitary confinement! OMG, you're right! We actually do have a balcony that we never use - I think if I locked myself out there, Larry wouldn't find me until all that was left of me was my desiccated skeleton!

Earl Mark said...

What I want to know is if you were able to get most of your yard work done. I think if I were locked out I would probably end up pulling some weeds instead of mowing the lawn. If I didn't, I'm sure my wife would chastise me for being lazy even when having nothing to do.